Fili is a Cheeseburger
by Fires Of Raze
Summary: Kili sings a song about Fili's blonde hair. Fili, in turn, wants to strangle him. -Kili as the younger brother-


_This is what happens when you have The Hobbit on the brain after three and a half hours of sleep the night before..._

_I own nothing. Characters belong to Tolkien, and the song belongs to VeggieTales._

"Fiiiilllliiii. Fiiiillllliiiiii!"

In his room, Fili was trying hard to ignore the sing-song voice of his younger brother as he poured over one of his books at his desk. Kili and their uncle Thorin had been outside training for much of the day – Kili for some reason wanted to learn archery, which while strange, was being furthered by their uncle – But now apparently training was over. The fair-haired dwarf heard footsteps and soft giggles outside his door, and glanced over his shoulder to see a dark eye staring at him from behind scraggly brown hair in the crack of the door.

"What is it, Kili?" Fili asked, but the little dwarf just giggled again before stepping into the room. He had that look on his face that Fili was beginning to associate with something he wouldn't like. "I'm trying to study."

But his subtle message went unheeded as Kili went over to the desk and stood on his tiptoes to see the book.

"That looks boring. What is it?"

Fili sighed and turned back to his book. "It's a book of old songs and stories, Kili… It's not boring."

"They look boring. I know a better song!" Kili exclaimed happily, to which Fili rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure you do."

"Uh huh, want to hear it?!"

"Not really…" Fili started, but the younger dwarf was already clearing his throat and beginning his song.

"Ehem… And now it's time for love songs with ,"

"Oh no, Kili, not that song again…"

"The part of the show where comes out and sings a love song." Kili continued, and Fili groaned loudly.

"Kili, noooo…"

"He said to her "I'd like a cheeseburger…"

"Kili, stop it."

"And I might like a milkshake as well…"

"Kili, no more!"

"She said to him 'I can't give you either'…"

"KILI!"

"And he said 'Isn't this this burger bell?..."

"No, this is my room!"

"She said 'Yes it is, but were closed now…"

"Kiliii…."

"But we open tomorrow at ten!..."

"You'll be lucky if you're still alive tomorrow at ten!"

"HE SAID 'I AM EXTREMELY HUNGRY!'

"Not so loud!"

"But I guess I can wait until theeeeeen..."

"Kili, stop!"

"Coz' your his Cheeseburger, his yummy Cheeseburger. He'll wait for you-ooo, YAH! He'll wait for you-ooo. Oh, You are his Cheeseburger, his tasty Cheeseburger. He'll wait for you-ooo. Oooh, he will wait for yooouuuu."

"I am not a cheeseburger!" Fili yelled, then groaned and put his face in his hands while Kili continued the song, ignoring him completely.

"He stayed at the drive-thru till sunrise…"

"Why don't you go play outside until sunrise?"

"He may have dozed of once or twice…"

"Now if only YOU would!"

"When he spotted a billboard for 'Denny's', bacon and eggs for half price…"

"Why don't you go see if uncle is making you dinner yet?"

"How could he resist such an offer?"

"Yes, how can you resist?"

"He REALLY needed something to munch!"

"Then please, go eat!"

"Cheeseburger please do not get angry!"

"…I'm going to strangle you, Kili."

"He'll eat and be back here for luuuuunch!"

"No, please don't…"

"Coz' your his Cheeseburger, his precious Cheeseburger. Be back for you-ooo, he'll be back for you-ooo. Won't be so long Cheeseburger, oh lovely Cheeseburger. Be back for you-ooo… Oooh he'll be back for yooouuuu!"

"Kili, please…"

"Coz' he loves his Cheeseburger with all his heart, and there ain't nothing gonna tear you two-oo apart. And if the world suddenly ran out of cheese, he would get down on his hands and knees to see if someone accidently dropped some cheese in the dirt, then he would wash it up for you, wipe it up for you, clean that dirty cheese up just for YOOOOOOUUUUUU!"

Fili cringed at the piercing note and turned to glare at Kili, who by now had his arms spread wide, and a huge grin on his face as he finished the last line of the song.

"You are his Cheese-bur-GEEEEEEEEERRRR!"

…Fili really hated his blonde hair sometimes.


End file.
